The Tuff Lessons (For Parents Only)

Today has been a life altering day. Ever have one of those? They are the kind of days that make you re-examine your life and everything in it, to which you usually conclude the only thing that needs to change is you. This Blog is dedicated to the funny things my kids do from day to day. The things that Matt and I reflect on at night, when we realize what drove us crazy earlier, we can laugh at now. This particular day and the incidents that occurred are not something Matt and I will reflect on later and laugh. We will remember this as the day that changed our parenting lives forever. If you know me or my family at all, you know my mom (Clay's Gigi) has a best friend named Shelby. She is a tiny white poodle that follows her everywhere she goes and Clay loves to torment her. We laughed about the time he stuck her in the washer, or the time my Dad found her in the bottom of the grill, because she was unharmed in all previous occasions. What we didn't realize is that even though Clay was punished in those instances, our inability to see past a silly boy doing something funny has crippled Clay's ability to connect it with something he should not be doing. Today he went to the extreme and ended up throwing Shelby off of the second story banister down to the bamboo wood flooring below. Luckily he was aiming toward the couch, which broke her fall therefore slowing her down significantly before landing on the ground. I went around the corner to see what he was up too and found Shelby lying on the floor unable to get up with blood running out of her mouth. I immediately called for my dad, half hysterical and he rushed her to the Vet. By the time he got there she was up and feeling surprisingly fine. She is sore and tired, but essentially unharmed. I had called Matt soon after we had found her and was in a state of panic. The first thing I thought was, how could he do this? How was he able to go through with something without even comprehending the consequences that would occur shortly after? How could he hurt an animal to that extend? What was he thinking? Then my thinking gets completely irrational and I am reminded of a show I watched years ago about serial killers and how they were when they were younger.... Could mine be next??? The answer to that is absolutely not. The thing I reminded myself of, is that God is inevitably in control. I have prayed over my children’s lives since before they were born and they are protected by the ultimate Father who has promised to fight for their souls and hearts with everything He is. However, He has given Matt and I the responsibility of exposing their minds to the right things, setting them on the path He has laid out and ultimately leading to them living the life He has intended. So as this is all going on I am praying that God show me what I need to do to turn this situation around. Lord, tell me how this could have happened? Boy, did He. You know what He laid on my heart? Turn off the TV, get off your butt and train up these children in the glory of God. Do a better job. Ouch. As much as it hurt, I knew it was true. By no means was He telling me I was a bad mother. He was telling me I was a bad teacher. My job is not only caring for these boys and their basic needs. It is to stimulate their minds with the right activities and keep them active so that there is not an over abundance of energy that is being put towards things with no value. My boys are smart, very smart. Sometimes I would swear if I gave Clay a blue print and a tool bag he would be fully capable of building whatever it was on that paper. Aaron is the exact same way. Now just so we are clear, my children don't watch an abundance of TV and just sit on the couch all day. And I am not blaming Sponge Bob for what my son did earlier. I am blaming me. But it is with full confidence that I will tell you that Clay learned what he did, from what I allowed him to watch. It has been a huge lesson for Matt and I to really, really be careful to what our children are being exposed to. We have both made a packed to hold each other accountable in being more aware of what our kids are doing and what they are seeing (AND HEARING!). As well as doing a better job with keeping them stimulated with the right things. Another lesson I have learned is no matter how funny the things are that Clay or Aaron may be doing, does not excuse them from being punished or give me the right to write it off as unimportant because it made me laugh. I am the adult, I am the parent and because I love them, I am going to ensure the best life possible by being the best mom possible. If that means not allowing them some of the things that other kids might have or be able to do or watch, then so be it. And parents listen, because this is important.... Don't ever let the fear of feeling like a failure; keep you from seeing the truth about the things you need to improve. This was extremely hard for me to write today. It all just happening hours ago and it still being fresh, it's been a scary thing for me to write it down. But you know what? It's turned it into a written declaration for me to look back on and think.... Okay, I said what I was going to change and improve on; now this is going to hold me accountable, because I have exposed my fault to everyone that will read this. I hope this helps someone else as well! Good night!

Did he REALLY just say that???

"What's wrong with your tummy?" Clay asked me today as we were taking a potty break while out for a little shopping adventure. This question took me a couple minutes to answer, because what I SHOULD tell him and what I WANTED to tell him were two very different things. After mentally spanking the tar out of him for even asking (not to mention the giggles coming from the girls waiting for the restroom), I quickly realized that yes, he is three years old and has absolutely no filter to determine whether or not this question should be asked or just filed under the "never mention" category of his brain. So I told him that mommy's tummy had to get really big to make sure him and his brother could get as big and healthy as possible before they came out to meet us. He immediately went about his business without even missing a beat. I of course, could not stop thinking about it. I couldn't stop thinking about it, because it reminded me of yet another instance when a brain filter would have come in handy for little Clay. I usually take my showers while both of the kids are down for a nap. Apparently when I turned on the shower this particular day it woke Clay up. So, imagine my surprise when I am eye's shut, in the shower rinsing shampoo out of my hair and I hear the curtain being ripped back. "Hi Mommy" Clay say's, huge smile on his face. "I wake up!" Ugh.... the one time of day where it can be even the least bit relaxing and now I have a three year old watching me take a shower. "You have floaties like Gigi!" (Gigi is his grandmother, who he has also walked in on in the shower.) "Yep, I sure do." I said. He looked up at the ceiling with a sideways grin and I could tell his little wheels were turning. "Mommy? I think Gigi's are better!" After picking my mouth up off the floor, I asked him what he meant. "Gigi's floaties are better than yours!" In a complete state of shock I went back at him... "Son, that's because Gigi paid for hers!" And I ripped the curtain back and continued my shower. He had absolutely no idea what I meant and to this day he probably thinks Gigi got her "floaties" at Wal-Mart. It's amazing to me that kids can be so honest with us about what they are thinking or feeling. How would the world be if we never learned how to "filter" the things that we think before we actually speak them out loud? Would it be better, or worst? I have a feeling it would be both. But then I think about when I was a teenager and sometimes never feeling like I could tell my parents what I thought or how I felt about something, for fear of the outcome. So how do you teach your kids to still be honest with you about what they are feeling or thinking and to always come to you with ANY question that they have? I think us parents walk a very fine line on this one. I think it all comes down to the bond you create with them when they are young. Clay and Aaron are 3 and 1 and even now I can see that Clay's strong bond is with his Dad, he will go to him with any question he has when he is older, without question. I want to say Aaron's is with me, but that could change. The point is, no matter what my children ask me in the future, I have to remember that my REACTION to the question is what's going to dictate whether or not they approach me again, not so much my answer. Our kids want to be reassured that no matter how crazy the question may seem or how strange their feelings might be to them at the time, that they have someone that is not going to judge them or react to them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. Don't make your kids sorry they asked you, or regret coming to you with their feelings. I would rather my boys come to me or their Dad with the most absurd thing in the world, before they would go to anyone else. How we react to them now, when they are completely honest with us and no filters, will determine how much they come to us later, when the big questions come up and they have learned to sift through their thoughts before bringing them to us. If this is something you think you need to work on and are now worried about all your reactions in the past about what your kids have said or asked, don't. Children are thankfully, a lot more forgiving than adults. They focus strictly on the here and now, and work with what’s put in front of them rather than worrying about what they have left behind. God’s mercy is shown most abundantly through the hearts of our children. I hope everyone has a great weekend! The boys and I are headed to Sunsplash on Sunday, so pray our conversation with Clay on where he CAN and CAN'T go potty goes well! :)

I'll take a mental break down... To go, please?

Ever have one of those days with your kids where you think to yourself.... "My children are trying to kill me and they are succeeding." It's almost like they sit in their rooms at night and think of as many things as they can that would get under my skin and strategically plan out their attack through out the day to inevitably find my last nerve. It all started with Clay, and just to mention this as a side note to keep in mind, it usually does. He thinks it's absolutely necessary to start out his day by torturing the little 4 pound poodle that he currently shares a home with. Whether it's putting her in the washing machine, the grill, at one point it was in the guinea pig cage. Pretty much any place else that he thinks she would like to see the inside of. No matter how many times he is punished and told to under no circumstances touch the dog, he still does it. It's like he weighs out the pro's and con's and realizes that it's going to be worth the laugh in the end. I can't say that I blame him... We did get a pretty good chuckle out of seeing her in that guinea pig cage. Her and the guinea pig were facing off in opposite corners, probably wondering when this family got their sudden interest in "cage fighting." It's really our lack of being able to hide that we are laughing at what's he's done that we can attribute Clay's inability to take us seriously. Can you blame us? Nap time is always a fun time around my house. I would love to tell you that the boys and I sit and read a book in bed and they quietly fade off to sleep somewhere around the fourth page.... Not going to happen. Aaron goes down pretty smoothly. Of course he doesn't have a choice because he is still in a crib. I see many, many struggles with him in my future... Clay hates a nap. He thinks it is the one time of day where all the coolest stuff is happening and he is always missing it. Today I had to go to extreme measures and put him in the laundry room by himself to settle him down. A little harsh, you might be thinking? Not so. Clay has the ability to go from ninety to nothing in no time flat and if he is still for to long, he will fall asleep. Containing him in a small area with no toys is his only chance at not getting distracted. I didn't intend for him to fall asleep in there, I just wanted him to calm down! He actually did fall asleep in the laundry room, in between the dryer and the hamper. Moving to around dinner time, we have just dropped off Matt at the dentist. Clay and Aaron immediately head for the toy chest. Clay proceeds to pour an entire toy size bottle of bubbles directly in his eye's. Why? I have no idea. So, we cut our visit short and head back to the house. I stop through the Wendy's drive-thru for some quick dinner, since Aaron has already been up for way to long and I know he isn't going to patiently wait for me to make something at home. We get some chicken nuggets and I am passing them back to him one at a time. He is eating them really fast because he keeps asking for more. "Whoa, he is hungry!" I thought. We get to the house and I take him out of his car seat.... only to find he has stuffed at least 3 chicken nuggets into his shoes. After removing half of a rooster from in between his toes and setting him down in the kitchen he starts bawling because NOW he is hungry. I think about my day and everything my kids have done and honestly, we've had worst days. In fact, just yesterday I got so fed up I literally threw in the towel (A blue hooded towel with Aarons initials on it, to be exact) and had to step away for a "moment" to myself. My children were sitting on the bathroom counter brushing their teeth at the time. Matt was right next to me, so if you're wondering if I left them up there unattended, the answer is no! From time to time I do loose my cool, I need to step away and have some time to refocus myself so that I don't completely loose it with my boys. And that's okay. I don't tell myself I'm a bad mother for needing that time. I tell myself it benefits everyone if I walk away and cool down when things get heated. They would not benefit at all from seeing me in that state. So, if you're concerned about always needing to feel in control and not allowing yourself time to blow off steam, it's probably because some flake told you that your child must always remain in a calm environment and things should never get out of control. Sorry to break the news to you, but that's near impossible. There are going to be days when you are going to loose it. Don't punish yourself for walking away from them for a minute to regroup. It's not the stress that will get to your children; it's the lack of not being able to deal with it that will hurt them the most. They need to know that life isn't always going to be calm and uneventful and that they sure aren't going to have someone around constantly trying to make things easier for them. You would do them a greater injustice by shielding them from real life, rather than teaching them to deal with it head on, without fear or punishment for failure. Just something to keep in mind. I'm headed to bed, so that I can get up tomorrow and do it all over again!

"Am I strong?"

Clay always tells me, "Mommy, I have to be strong!" or "I'm going to be strong, like Daddy!” If you have boys, I think you can relate with me on this. I have never heard him say, "I want to be strong, like Mommy." This isn't something we've taught him to say and to be honest, I probably wouldn't have even thought twice about it without reading a book called "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. It amazes me to think that without ever being taught, a boy knows the man in his life symbolizes power, strength, and courage. My boys see their Daddy as heroes, someone that will save the day, protect them from evil (which they may tell you at times is 'mommy'). But what gets my heart every time is when Clay asks his Dad, "I'm a super hero, right?" or "Watch Daddy, look how strong I am!" He wants that acknowledgement so much from Matt that yes, he is strong and big! His eyes light up every time Daddy reassures him of that. What's even more amazing is that Matt understands how important it is, without ever having to be told. He understands where Clay is coming from, because at one time in his life, he wanted the same question answered for him.... "Am I strong?” A question only a male could answer for him. I can tell Clay all day long how strong he is, but it sure doesn't mean the same coming from me. Boys of any age understand that masculinity can only be communicated through another male. Essentially it can only be received by another male, usually their Dads. Matt, unfortunately didn't get the answers he was looking for from his Dad all the time. But thankfully, his question was answered by his Papa, a very strong male figure in his life. To which he did a priceless thing for my husband. And it is to him that I attribute Matt understanding the importance of letting his boys know how big and tuff they are. They eat up every bit of praise from him and I take so much joy in knowing my boys will grow up with full confidence in themselves as men. In turn they will try their hardest to honor their father by becoming the best men they can be. So, I've said all that to say this.... Make sure your boys have a strong male influence in their lives. If it absolutely can't be their father, then make sure it's someone who will steer them in the right direction. These last few generations are missing so many real men and it' because of the absence of fathers. Boys are growing up angry and without a clue as to how they are suppose to act as men. To MEN... You are important and we women could not do this without you!

The first...

This is our first official blog post, so bare with us! After constantly being asked when we were going to start a blog about our boys Clay and Aaron, I have finally given in. Hopefully what you will get from this blog is a real-life, non-sugar coated look into the lives of two extremely active little boys and the mom that's holding on for dear life to keep up with them. Here is a little bit about each of the us...

Kristal- The mom. I never wanted to be a mom. As a matter of fact, when I was in 3rd grade I made a bet with my friend for $100.00 that I would never be married and never have kids. At the age of 20 I started dating Matt, my husband. A year later we got married and 6 months after that we were pregnant with Clay. It was the weirdest experiance of my life. I spent most of my pregnancy obsessing about what it would be like to be a mom and worrying the hospital was going to make me pass some sort of Mommy test before I could take the baby home. If that was the case, Clay would be in the hospital to this day... I'm not the perfect mom, perfect wife, definately not the perfect house keeper. But what I think I'm pretty okay at is making sure to miss as little as possible with my children. I spend a good portion of my day observing my boys. I love it when I know they have just learned something new or experianced something for the first time. I hope through this blog you will get to experiance and laugh along with me, as Matt and I raise up these boys into the men God intended them to be.

Clay- The oldest. Clay is three years old and living it up to his full advantage. He is extremely stubborn and set in his ways. If he thinks he can't get away with something, he will challenge that emotion to prove to himself he can overcome the impossible. He holds his Daddy's heart in the palm of his hand and their bond started the second he was born. I have never seen anything like it and I feel so blessed to get to witness it. Everything Clay says or does (intentionally or non-intentionally) will make you laugh. The pickles he gets himself into are incredible. He knows no fear, as most boys don't and there is not one single hair on his head that is the least bit worried about the outcome of a situation. He is always willing to lend a helping hand and would rather give up his most prized posession than to see anyone cry.

Aaron- The baby. What can I say about Aaron, except he will grab your heart the second he looks at you with those big hazel eyes. He absolutley loves music and I think it's safe to say that will be in his future, one way or the other. He is a hugger. He does not put up with BS and refuses help from anyone that trys to feed him. He has an obsession with cell phones and a little piece of scrap fabric he got from his Auntie B's house. He is a little more cautious than his counter-part and extremely sensitive. He's a big time Mama's boy, which I chalk up to always being at home with me. Aaron is going to be the next Brad Pitt. When his day comes I will be there, gun and shovel in hand, ready to defend him against any girl that dares to break his heart.

Hopefully that gets you up to speed a little bit about where we are all coming from. Get ready to laugh and fall in love with these boys as they teach us a little something about life....